Weddings |
Not yet engaged but thinking about it? Have questions? CLICK HERE.
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Considering marriage? Despite all the negative things you hear, marriage can be a wonderful experience for a man and a women who are desiring to honor God and be committed to one another. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm all for marriage. Having been married since 1985, I consider it to be one of the best things that has happened in my life.
At the very bottom of this page are some links that might be helpful for you as you consider marriage. Obviously not all these will apply to your situation. Take a look (or listen) at your convenience. If you have any good articles/web sites I can add, please let me know. |
Unrealistic Expectations about Marriage
The following was written by Hope for the Heart.
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Looking for someone to officiate your wedding?
If you are at this web page because you are looking for someone to officiate your wedding ceremony, please keep reading.
As I said above, I love doing weddings, however I do not see my role as someone who simply officiates a wedding. If you are looking for someone who will only officiate a wedding ceremony with little or no other involvement, that person is probably not me. As a minister of the gospel my role is more than simply officiating a wedding. I will want to spend time with you, I will want to get to know you, I will want to offer you some form of premarital education or make some referral.
Studies have shown that there is a 31% decrease in divorce rates when there is some form of premarital counselling or education. Not only that, there is also a 30% increase in marital satisfaction. What this premarital education would look like would depend on the ages, maturity and life-experiences of the couple. It can vary from one or two sessions to a series of six or more meetings over a longer period of time. Books may be suggested or required, again, at the discretion of the pastor. The Alpha Marriage Course is an excellent program for engaged or married persons. There is also the online SYMBIS premarital marriage assessment that is often helpful. There are several other good alternatives as well. It is likely you will need to participate in one of these forms of pre-marital counseling or education.
As for the ceremony it is a worship event and we would expect it to be held at the church. Yes, people can worship God anywhere, but there is something sacred about gathering together in a familiar place dedicated to the honor and worship of God. If you wish your wedding to take place at a beach or park or some romantic setting, that is perfectly fine and there will be people who will be glad to officiate a wedding in such locations.
As for the wedding ceremony itself, while the wedding is not a regular "church service" we believe God is present and the ceremony is for His glory. This will need to be reflected in all that takes place at the wedding; from the order of the service to the selection of music. Anything that happens during the ceremony must have the pastor’s approval before hand. The wedding reception is a different story. That too, should honor God of course, but it isn't a worship event.
You might also be interested in reading this excellent article, Making our Weddings Christian. This will also prove helpful in understanding the expectations of the church. Please give it a careful reading.
Psalm 127:1 says, "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain". That is true of marriage as well. If you are a Christian, my primary desire will be to help you establish a Christian marriage built on a solid foundation; one that will not crumble when trials and tribulations come. No one goes into marriage expecting the worst; and yet, statistics tell us that many marriages fail. We often only need to look at the foundation to understand why. If you are not a Christian, I would still love to participate in your special day and give you the foundation you will need to establish a marriage that will last a lifetime.
Thank you for taking the time to consider having me as part of your wedding. I consider it an honor. I really do. If I can help you in preparing for marriage, please do get in touch with me. My goal here is not to discourage you from being married, nor is it to keep from performing more weddings; my goal, as a Christian minister, is to prepare a man and a woman for the lifetime commitment of Christian marriage. If I were to do anything less, I would be doing a dis-service.
Norman Hajian
If you are at this web page because you are looking for someone to officiate your wedding ceremony, please keep reading.
As I said above, I love doing weddings, however I do not see my role as someone who simply officiates a wedding. If you are looking for someone who will only officiate a wedding ceremony with little or no other involvement, that person is probably not me. As a minister of the gospel my role is more than simply officiating a wedding. I will want to spend time with you, I will want to get to know you, I will want to offer you some form of premarital education or make some referral.
Studies have shown that there is a 31% decrease in divorce rates when there is some form of premarital counselling or education. Not only that, there is also a 30% increase in marital satisfaction. What this premarital education would look like would depend on the ages, maturity and life-experiences of the couple. It can vary from one or two sessions to a series of six or more meetings over a longer period of time. Books may be suggested or required, again, at the discretion of the pastor. The Alpha Marriage Course is an excellent program for engaged or married persons. There is also the online SYMBIS premarital marriage assessment that is often helpful. There are several other good alternatives as well. It is likely you will need to participate in one of these forms of pre-marital counseling or education.
As for the ceremony it is a worship event and we would expect it to be held at the church. Yes, people can worship God anywhere, but there is something sacred about gathering together in a familiar place dedicated to the honor and worship of God. If you wish your wedding to take place at a beach or park or some romantic setting, that is perfectly fine and there will be people who will be glad to officiate a wedding in such locations.
As for the wedding ceremony itself, while the wedding is not a regular "church service" we believe God is present and the ceremony is for His glory. This will need to be reflected in all that takes place at the wedding; from the order of the service to the selection of music. Anything that happens during the ceremony must have the pastor’s approval before hand. The wedding reception is a different story. That too, should honor God of course, but it isn't a worship event.
You might also be interested in reading this excellent article, Making our Weddings Christian. This will also prove helpful in understanding the expectations of the church. Please give it a careful reading.
Psalm 127:1 says, "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain". That is true of marriage as well. If you are a Christian, my primary desire will be to help you establish a Christian marriage built on a solid foundation; one that will not crumble when trials and tribulations come. No one goes into marriage expecting the worst; and yet, statistics tell us that many marriages fail. We often only need to look at the foundation to understand why. If you are not a Christian, I would still love to participate in your special day and give you the foundation you will need to establish a marriage that will last a lifetime.
Thank you for taking the time to consider having me as part of your wedding. I consider it an honor. I really do. If I can help you in preparing for marriage, please do get in touch with me. My goal here is not to discourage you from being married, nor is it to keep from performing more weddings; my goal, as a Christian minister, is to prepare a man and a woman for the lifetime commitment of Christian marriage. If I were to do anything less, I would be doing a dis-service.
Norman Hajian
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Interested in SYMBIS? Take a look at the very short video on the right. 
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Frequently Asked Questions
What is your fee for officiating a wedding?
I consider my involvement in your wedding as part of my ministerial responsibilities. I am here to preach the gospel. I am also here to perform a number of other functions, one of which is bringing two people before the Lord in the covenant of marriage. Because my salary is already paid by the church and supported by members and friends of the congregation, there is no fee for participating in your wedding. Your love for one another and your growth in Christ are all that I need.
Can we write our own vows?
Absolutely, but they need to be "vows" and they will need to include certain commitments. I would be happy to review what you have and help you with it if necessary. One idea is to take a look at traditional vows (again, I can supply that if you need it) and see if you can incorporate the same or similar expressions in your own vows.
Do I need to be a part of your church?
It helps, but it isn't absolutely necessary. The reason it helps is because I will already know you and therefore won't have as many questions on my mind. Remember, my purpose is not just to officiate a ceremony but to help you build a strong foundation for a lifelong commitment.
What if I want to get married right away, can you do that?
I wouldn't say it is impossible, but it is highly unlikely. Nevertheless, I'd be happy to meet with you and discuss your needs.